Ya know, maybe I should start following my own advice for once...

Taking care of the spelling errors.

Some things I've been learning recently:

1. "God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it." (1 Corinthians 10:13)
2. "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1)
3. "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
4. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:21)
5. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I read a book earlier this month called When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I haven't read a book in forever, but I just couldn't put this one down. It spoke to just about everything I was going through at the time.

The main premise was giving God the pen to your life so he can write your love story and how to apply that to the rest of your life. I've been attempting to do this.

What I've found, is that when I do fully give him the pen, it turns into a great story and things just seem to fall into place. However, some things may not turn out the way I want them to, so I sometimes take the pen back to make my own edits. What I end up with is a jumbled mess of poor grammar, incomplete endings, and spelling errors.

I cant do it on my own anymore. And I fully admit that. I'm getting stronger in the Lord, but I'm not quite there yet.

Trusting God can be tough, especially when He asks you to do something that may sting a little... but if you fully trust Him and His will for your life, you can't go wrong. It may stink at first, but slowly you'll realize that it's all for the best. And that's the most reassuring part :)

Lord, help me surrender my pen to you completely. Show me your will for my life. I'm tired of messing up and doing things on my own. Please help me with self-control and everything else in between. Thank You.

And so the journey begins. I have nothing to lose except my own selfishness.

Here we go.

-Kendrick

Let the rebuilding begin.

Don't worry, trust God and everything will work out in the end.
I'm learning to believe that myself.

I'm not perfect, but at least the Lord is helping me try.

Healing water, rain down on us.

I'm really trying here...

Allow me to state for the record that I have awesome friends.
Yep... that's about the extent of it.

And that's about all I got.
Life is funny sometimes.
So many things I would like to say at times, but just cant.

School, work, life...
I'm off to do it.
Lord, keep doing what You're doing.

-KW

A new chapter is dawning.

Getting over this flu is a pain, but it's given me time to think and rest in the Lord... therefore, not all is lost :)

I'm ready to get back into the swing of things and rock this final semester. Hopefully, God will be opening some doors soon to give me a heads up on where to go after graduation day... Kinda scary to think about, but I know everything will be alright.

Things in general are slowly beginning to level out... physically, spiritually, and emotionally... and that's exciting. I'm interested to see what happens :) Knowing that it's ALL in His hands has been the biggest load off my mind. I'm not saying it was an easy road to start off on, but the further I go (slowly, but surely), the more reassured I am that I'm finally doing the right thing. He has quite a humorous way of dropping little "confirmation nuggets" to help nudge me along and keep my doubts/fears at bay. I still struggle at times, but He's helping me... And picking me up out of the mud when I stumble. He loves me despite myself! :D

This verse just "happened" to be my devotional verse on Monday morning. There's no way this was a coincidence:

"I pondered the direction of my life, and I turned to follow Your statutes." - Ps. 119:58

Oh, but that's not all. The commentary talked about the choice between following God and following your heart. Your heart can be swayed, but God never fails.
Like I said, funny little "confirmation nuggets." :) NAIL ON HEAD.

Wow, I've written a novel... maybe I can channel this into finishing my Fluxus paper lol.

-Kendrick Wallace
Here's to new beginnings and second chances!

How else am I supposed to get over being in love with you and just be your friend?
Isn't that what you wanted?

It's not permanent.

I thought you cared... I thought you felt bad for hurting me.
I don't think you fully understand what I've gone through.

Until my gut stops wrenching every time I think about you, I can't continue this.
I'm sorry.

Why wont you be patient and let me heal?

I'm trying to save the friendship. I wish you could understand that.

He's right.

This has to end.
It's not healthy... and if it continues on this present track, I very well may need professional counseling...

No more.

May God truly help me.

It's all yours now, God... take it. Do what you want to with it. I just cant handle it on my own anymore.

-KW

I wish I could heal faster.

I wish I could just let go and give it completely to God.

I wish I didn't hurt so much.

And I was doing so well too...

God, help me. Please.

One person should not have this much of an effect on my countenance...

I'm off the carousel.

And the roller coaster is leveling out.

Farewell to the fairground.

(nvrfrgt)

Wow.

God is good.

I've felt amazing today.

But ya know what?

Everything's gonna be alright.

I have the best parents, friends, and Savior in the world, and they are ALL gonna help me through this.

And that's very reassuring :)

Now, let's pick up the pieces.
Lord, help me.

-K.W.

"What use am I as a heap on the floor?" - She & Him.

Exhaustion.

Complete and utter exhaustion.

I guess I finally got my closure...
But it hurts so bad.

*numb*

I hate this sense of confusion.

It's like it's supposed to happen... but it's not.
I can't quite put my finger on it.
There's that uneasiness... with and without.

Overcoming my flesh is proving to be quite the task.

Shouldn't it be easy to give up your own selfish desires when you truly love someone?

God, please help me navigate this stormy season of my life.
You are not the author of confusion.
And I know You don't want me to be alone.
Help me to trust you with this area of my life.
Only You can save me now.
Amen.

Patience, Peace, and Resolve... That's all I want...
and a little thing called stability.

You know that whole "Game of Life" thing?

Yeah... I quit.

Because I suck at it.

Back to playing "Sorry."

At least I get to slide on that one.

@#$%^&

We can do it.
We can make it.

"Return" - Needtobreathe

It’s hard enough to know
That something’s made us not the same
Did I give all I could give
Or spend all I could spend in vain

We were holding on the line
Waiting for the sun to rise
But we could not believe
The sunlight never crossed our eyes

I’m giving you my heart to break again
Oh I’m leaving you a way to get back in

Return to me

We were holding on the line
Waiting for the sun to rise
But we could not believe
The sunlight never crossed our eyes

I’m giving you my heart to break again
Oh I’m leaving you a way to get back in

Return to me

Every heart goes down and every fire goes out
When we don’t hurt anymore
I know it’s all my fault that you’re behind this wall
But I’ll be here when you break it.
When you let it down.

Return to me

I'm ready to dive in.
Each day passing
will lead to better things.
Promises to keep.
The light will shine.
The beginnings are
always the hardest,
but the reward will be sweet.
Here it goes.
No more putting it off.
No more "what ifs."
I'm diving in.
If I crash and burn,
at least I tried.
Here it goes.

One day, I'll look back and realize that I'm doing the right thing with this situation.
I just wish she saw it the same way...
There's a difference between "avoiding" and "confirming." I'm doing the latter.

I pray for patience. Not just for myself now, but for her as well.
I want this. I really do. And I know it can work eventually. We both have to heal first though.
You're on the right track. Keep going in that direction. Keep praying and seeking Him. He's the only one who can heal our hearts and truly write our epic story! :)

Kendrick