I'll believe it when I see it.

continued...

(writing this out is therapeutic, therefore, I'll continue to do so.)

Oh yeah... and I'm getting really tired of being manipulated.
My trust continually wanes. The white lies, as little as they may seem, are eating away at it. And everyone knows, if there's no trust in a relationship, there is no relationship.

There's no reason to hang out with him if something's not happening... it just doesn't make sense.

I don't deserve to be treated this way. I'm a nice guy and I'm actually starting to believe people when they tell me that. I have a lot to offer someone and I deserve way better than this mess.

And yet for some reason, I still stick around doing the same things and expecting different results...
Logically, this does not make sense... and is quite stupid on my part.

Stepping back for a bit to view the situation through normal eyes, as opposed to emotionally charged eyes, has helped a lot... Without that constant twinge in my heart, I can actually rationalize things... Crazy, I know, right?

I just need resolve. I am so over this.

Game over.

(who knows, maybe more later. i like this way of expression)

the world keeps turning.

Good, strong, solid advice is a beautiful thing.

As I was sitting at Blue Monkey last night having an absolutely miserable time, it hit me:
This cycle has to end.
It's the same thing every time.
I've been crushed under enough guilt... I've shed enough tears... I've spent over three months pining, worrying, and not being myself...
I've changed.
A lot of things changed for the better... however, I've lost a lot because of a situation I have no control over.

More later... back to work.

Drivel

Regaining perspective after a failure is always tough.

I don't want to give this up.
But if that's what it takes for everything to return to normalcy for now, it's what I've got to do.

I gave it a good run... is it time to move on? I can't afford to get caught in the same cycle all over again. I don't want to be the boy I used to be anymore.

They say "with age come experience." If they only knew the half of what I've gone through these last 3 months.

Anywho, that's what's going on in my head right now... right next to the "I really hate my job" thoughts and the "I really just want to make music" thoughts.

All I want is a clear sign...

*Note to pay attention to timestamps.

I can feel it coming to a head... soon.

One way or another, closure will come... Then I'll be happy... whatever the outcome.
I can only hope it was all worth it.

She promised though.