Thoughts.

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
 

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

"All I have needed Thy hand hath provided..." Think about that. I mean, REALLY let it sink in. "ALL." Not just some of our needs, ALL of them. Every last one of them. Provided by His hand! If that doesn't bring peace to your heart, I don't know what will.

I was going to use this (and a Pete Yorn article from Relevant Mag) to segue into a dissertation about singleness and how we should find our completion in Him and no one else... But these words are far too powerful to go and muck it up with my own late-night drivel. I'll save that for a later occasion.

So I'll leave it at that. Press on, dear friends. And remember that His faithfulness is truly great.

-KW

Shiny Toy Guns - Rainy Monday

So begins a new chapter.

Word of the day: CAN

Don't let it slip away.

I am a walking failure...

...but God still loves me.

Some days, it's two steps forward and three steps back. Others, it's giant leaps forward and upward. And even others, it's just lying there, metaphorically convulsing naked and vulnerable in the muck and mire of my past regrets.

I just wish I had more consistency.

It's as though the harder I try to strive for righteous living, the harder it is... And I hate that.

Will I ever fully understand why He has taken away certain things in my life? Probably not. But I figure it has something to do with growing up, and teaching me patience.

Patience.

That word is such an abomination to the "only child." We're so used to receiving what we've asked for in that instant because we've never had competition... And that's a hard rut to get out of... But I'm trying.

I'm "trying" to do a lot of things (quit a lot of things, change a lot of things, start a lot of things, etc.)... and stumbling worse than some of the inebriated college students I play music for on the weekends... but at least as a whole, I'm stumbling forward.

But it's so tough when the loneliness hits... When the guilt hits... When the feelings that a usually happy person like myself shouldn't be experiencing hit...

Where's the resolution?

I read a David Wilkerson article a few days back that really helped (here).

Here's the main quote that is sustaining me through this week in the dry and arid wilderness of my mind:

"Oh, precious, troubled saint - God has not forgotten you. He has bottled every tear you've ever shed. You must make Him the joy and hope of your life. You must let His Spirit change you, so that circumstances can't hinder you anymore.

God does His best work when He's changing us. That way, whatever comes, you will learn to rest above it all - seated with Him in heavenly places. Remember: you are the object of His incredible love!" (emphasis added)

Now comes the challenge of convincing my sometimes overly-cynical mind of the truth contained in that article... and realize that this seemingly never-ending valley I'm in truly is only for a season.

A friend posted a quote yesterday: "God doesn't look for perfection, just progress."

I can get behind that.

Growth

I have two options:

1. Grow up and accept the tough changes I'm going through in this transition to true maturity.
2. Die.

Option two may be easiest, but it would accomplish nothing. My purpose on this earth isn't yet fully realized.

I only wish that option one could be easier.

I have all the "right" answers and I know God is with me, I just need help applying them and fully placing my faith in Him.

I need balance... and I need to retain the lessons I learn instead of making the same mistakes over and over again.

Can anyone relate?

Acceptance is the hardest thing. Realizing your flaws, shortcomings, mistakes, and failures is a very painful process in and of itself. That's not even considering the pain involved in fixing those aforementioned problems.

But I know I can't keep running away from something when it gets uncomfortable.

"There is NO growth in a comfort zone and NO comfort in a growth zone." - Unknown.

My biggest problem: Putting too much emphasis on the gift and not enough on the Giver.

This season is very dry... but I know that the growth that will come out of it will be unparalleled to any growth I've experienced so far in my life.

This is it.

I'm not the same person I used to be. And I never want to go back to what I was.