One day...

One day, I'll get something right.
One day, I'll learn to keep my mouth shut.
One day, I'll learn to control myself.
One day, I'll figure things out.
One day...
One fine day.

I hate I can't just get a clear answer when I want it. It would make things so much easier. I'm hurting others bc I can't figure my life out and get things straightened out... and I hate that. The self-loathing is a miserable feeling too. I'm genuinely to the point that I hate myself. I'm just not a suitable person for anyone yet... I'm not even a suitable person for myself.

I hope to address these issues and more with myself when I retreat to the solitude of wilderness ranch in Craig, CO. The battle has gotten too hard and I'm losing big time. It's time to have a sit down with God Himself and hash some things out. I'm sick of it all and it's driving me mad. I need help. Badly. I've fooled enough people into thinking I've got it all together. I don't. Not one bit.

It'll be nice to just go into the snow-filled woods and scream.

DEAR GOD, HELP ME.